Six months ago you were probably sitting on your couch watching the New York primaries, thinking: Whoa, can a reality TV star actually be a contender for President? Will Hillary feel the Bern and get bumped by a dude again? Now here we are, less than three weeks from the big day, deep in the season of trick-or-treat and freaky costumes, and it truly feels like a Halloween-off. Enter the Pumpkin King and the Pantsuit Queen in a battle for AMERICA.

First question: how did Utah, the steadfast Republican stronghold, suddenly become a battleground state? Trump, Clinton, and obscure independent Evan McMullin are all polling on equal terms. WTF?

A) Donald is doing this all for you.

B) Don't you realize? Donald wants Hillary to win.

C) Actually, just ask McMullin himself.

That final debate was..."nasty," just like the rest of them. Did anyone win this time?

A) Yep: Mapmakers and basketball.

B) Adjectives did well, hombres did better.

C) Republicans who can't stand their candidate.

But Trump has already told us he might contest the result, which means this popularity contest is not gonna be over, even when it's over. What will end on Election Day?

A) Civility inside the Republican party.

B) Civility in America as a whole.

C) Ummm… try civilization itself?

Eep! Don't tell me the world is gonna end on November 8!?!?

Nope. That's just when the hard work starts...

Mood: Don't be so cynical.